ECP First Draft

Today I have a meeting with my ECP supervisor, Judy. I am a bit nervous, if she doesn't like it I'll be gutted. I'll post what she says about it here later on. But, I figured you'd want to read it before hand. So here is the first 3,000 words, remember I only have to write 8,000.

Perry could see the man again.

The man with no eyes, deadly sharp teeth, and red raw skin. The man that only he could see. Perry spotted him stood at the end of his road, as if he were a friend waiting to walk to school together. Perry hesitated before hurrying back to his house. As he closed the front door sharply behind him his mum called out from the kitchen.

   'Back already? Did you forget something?'

Perry didn't even bother telling her the truth.

   'Yeah, my maths book,' he yelled back as he ran up to his room.

He'd tried telling her before. But neither his mum nor dad believed him. They thought it was some imaginary friend, and his therapists thought it was a manifestation of a repressed childhood memory. Perry knew they were all wrong. One, fourteen was way too old for imaginary friends. Two, he’d had a perfectly happy childhood, what could he have repressed? This was definitely not something his mind had made up. He wasn't crazy.

He couldn't stay at home for too long, his mum would get suspicious. He leaned out his bedroom window in an attempt to see down the street but couldn't see a thing. He made his way downstairs and out of the house, his insides knotting themselves. He opened the front door slowly, praying to anyone that the red-faced man would be gone. His mum heard him leaving and called out after him. ‘Bye dear, have fun at school.’

Perry left the door on the latch as he snuck to the edge of the garden and peered down the street. It was empty. The red-faced man was gone. He let out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding. He could still make it to school on time if he ran. Though he didn't know why he was in such a hurry to go to school. The red-faced man would be waiting for him there too.

*

Perry was lucky for the rest of the morning and didn't see the man once. He started to feel relaxed; he was even able to work out the hardest equation for once. It was during fourth period English class that everything went wrong.

He loved English class, even if his teacher, Ms Allen, was one of the strictest teachers he'd ever had at Manor House College. She sat at the front of the class seemingly engrossed in marking their Shakespeare essays from last week, but Perry knew she was paying attention to everything that was happening in the room. No one messed around in Ms Allen's classes. The boy sat next to Perry, Gregory, wasn't doing his work though. He was doodling what looked like lots of eyeballs in his text book. He would be in trouble if Ms Allen saw that. Perry fiddled with his pen before writing vigorously about the conventions of autobiography. He had written nearly two pages when the back of his neck started to prickle and his palms went clammy.

As if he was being forced, his head turned to the classroom window. Outside, stood in the middle of the rugby pitch, was the red-faced man. His skinless lips peeled apart, forming a sinister grin. He lifted his arm and pointed his red, scabbed hand at Perry as if he could see straight into the classroom to where he was sat.

Perry couldn't help it. He yelped, jumped out of his chair, ran across the room and yanked down the blind. Ms Allen's head snapped up from her desk. Her eyes narrowed behind her thick glasses. Perry had sagged against the wall in relief but his body tensed again as he faced the class. Every eye was on him. Before Ms Allen could tell him off, one of the boys at the back of the class called out.

   'Typical paranoid Perry behaviour.’ He nudged his friend who let out a loud laugh. Before Perry knew it, the whole class was laughing and jeering at him.

   'Paranoid Perry! Paranoid Perry!'

   'That is enough!' Ms Allen screeched. The class quietened immediately but Perry noticed that some of the kids were holding in giggles. Perry faced Ms Allen, not sure who was more terrifying; her or the red-faced man.

   'What is the meaning of this, Mr Prince?'

There was a long pause before Perry blurted out. 'The sun was in my eyes.'

Perry knew this was a feeble excuse as soon as he said it. Ms Allen surveyed him over the top of her glasses. The sun was clearly not in his eyes as he was on the far side of the classroom. His hands twitched nervously so he shoved them in his trouser pockets.

   'Very well. I understand,' she said at last and Perry's hopes rose. 'But everyone will stay behind for ten minutes to make up for all the time you wasted with your elaborate display.' The whole class groaned as one and glared at Perry as he made his way back to his chair. The only person who didn't seem to mind was Gregory, who was still drawing eyes even though his pen had run out of ink.

*

By the time they were let out of class most of the other students were already in the cafeteria. The rest of his class hurried off eager to meet their friends. Perry headed in the opposite direction. He never ate in the cafeteria; he had no one to sit with. Instead he found an empty classroom and hoped that any teachers that found him would have enough mercy to let him stay. Today he chose a classroom that was as far away from the rugby field as possible. He ended up in the Geography department and found comfort in the maps that covered the walls. The world was so big that surely he couldn't be the only person on it that could see scary things for no reason. Right?

He settled into a chair and pulled out his lunch. Tuna sandwiches on brown bread as usual. He had only taken one bite when he heard footsteps echoing down the corridor. Busted already. He waited for a teacher to burst in and tell him to get out and 'play with his friends'. The footsteps got louder and louder, faster and faster, and flew right past the classroom. Surprised, Perry put down his sandwich and crept towards the door. He opened it carefully and winced at its loud creaking. He left it a few seconds before he dared to look down the corridor. His stomach flipped at what he saw.

At the end of the corridor, closer than Perry had ever seen him before, was the red-faced man. He looked even more terrifying up close. His flesh had peeled off leaving raw slices of bloody muscle. His face was still stretched into the lipless grin and Perry counted more sharp teeth than any normal human should possess. He had no skin around his nose either, only two festering holes. The red-faced man's black sockets stared endlessly at a girl Perry had never seen before.

She was unlike any of the other girls at school. She looked around Perry’s age but was at least three inches tall than him. She was wearing a pair of scruffy jeans, an old band t-shirt, and her dark hair was tied into a messy ponytail. She stood only a couple of feet away from Perry, staring hard at the red-faced man. Perry's heart stopped.

Someone else could see him.

*

Perry jumped as the girl spoke.

   ‘What are you?' Her voice was loud and strong. If Perry had ever spoken to the red-faced man it would have come out in a squeak.

The red-faced man didn't reply, which only seemed to make the strange girl angrier.

   'I said what are you?'

To Perry’s shock, the red-faced man glanced at Perry, his empty sockets boring into him. His grin lengthened across his face, revealing even more sharpened teeth. He looked back at the girl and Perry instantly knew something was wrong. He took no chances. He raced down the corridor and barrelled into the girl. They both went crashing into an empty classroom just as the red-faced man thundered past. Before he could turn around, Perry slammed the door and began pushing tables and chairs in front of it. He was just about to add another chair to the pile when the girl yelled at him.

*

Lenore Scribe resisted the urge to give her dad the finger as he drove off in his new BMW. She knew she was supposed to love her dad and all but he made it so difficult. Why should she love him when he clearly didn't love her? She shrugged her backpack onto her shoulder and stormed up to Manor House College before she got herself riled up.

If there was one thing worse than parents it was school, especially a new school.

She listened patiently as Headmaster Brocklehurst explained all of the school rules and how rule breaking would not be tolerated. She pretended to care when a clearly bored older student showed her around the different departments of Manor House College. But she didn't even try to hide her anger when a huge guy, at least three years older than her, rammed into her and scoffed 'Newbie.'

Instead she turned around and elbowed him in the gut.

This time she did pay attention to what Headmaster Brocklehurst had to say.

   'Miss Scribe you should watch yourself, especially considering your short stature. The corridors can become crowded and we never resort to violence here.'

Lenore resented being called small, petite, tiny, or cute. What she lacked in size she made up for in strength. Which was probably why she ended up in so many fights. She didn't let Headmaster Brocklehurst know that, though.

   'Headmaster I'm so sorry,' she said, forcing fake tears to swell in her eyes. 'I just reacted, you know how it is being a new girl, there’s so much drama and it can be so hard.' Lenore sniffed loudly.

Headmaster Brocklehurst nodded, his face flushing pink. He awkwardly handed her a tissue which she blew her nose into noisily.  Then the bell for lunch rang making even Headmaster Brocklehurst jump.

   ‘Well, as long as you don’t let it happen again, you’re free to go to lunch, Miss Scribe.’  

   ‘Thank you, Headmaster Brocklehurst, I’ll be good from now on.’

As soon as she left his office Lenore let her tears dry. Maybe being a petite little girl had its advantages after all.

*

Lenore had thought about simply eating her lunch in the toilets, where she wouldn’t be disturbed, but she knew she had to be strong at school. You couldn’t show weakness otherwise they would tear you apart. She held her head up high as she entered the dining hall prepared for all gawking. She quickly scanned the room. The whole of the school’s population was crowded under one roof, including the staff. She had no idea where to sit. Each table was already packed with big groups of students. There were big, beefy boys in sports gear and Lenore recognised the huge guy from earlier. Figured he was a rugby player. There were groups of kids with their text books out doing extra science and maths equations; and a group of girls crowded together but all on their phones, totally ignoring each other.  Lenore didn’t think she would fit in with any of them. In the far corner she spotted a single empty table. A safe haven. She was about to hurry over when a hand shot out and grabbed her wrist. Lenore looked at the dainty hand that clung to her with a death grip, the painted nails digging into her skin. She switched her gaze to the owner of the hand. Blond hair, perfect make-up, and a smile that was more predatory than it was friendly. 

   ‘Hey, I’m Cathy and you’re the new girl right, Eleanor, is it?’ The girl’s smile gleamed brightly.

   ‘Lenore actually.’

   ‘Right, right. So, my girls and I were thinking you could sit with us. You look pretty lonely.’ Cathy widened her highly mascaraed eyes sympathetically.

Lenore looked to the two other girls. They both smiled and nodded. Lenore didn’t feel at ease. Lenore didn’t want to sit with them then she remembered what her Dad had said to her the day before. Something like, ‘try to make friends at this school, and for once in your life be normal’. She’d resented that. She had been normal, it was everything else around her that had been weird. Cathy’s grasp on her wrist tightened. 

   ‘Thanks that would be great,’ Lenore quickly agreed.

Cathy’s grip loosened and Lenore pulled herself free. Little half-moon shapes were etched into her wrist. She set her bag down on the floor and pulled out her lunch, very aware that all three girls were watching her intently.

   ‘Sorry, what were your names again?’ Lenore asked awkwardly.

   ‘She’s Jay,’ Cathy said pointing to the girl with long curly black hair. ‘And she’s Liz,’ she said as the girl with dead straight mousey brown hair wiggled her fingers in greeting.

   ‘Can’t they talk or something?’

   ‘Of course they can, silly,’ Cathy said, once again speaking for them. ‘So Eleanor-’

   ‘Lenore.’

   ‘Right, right. Lenore, whatever. What’s your story?’

   ‘My story?’

Lenore’s tummy twisted. How could they know about that?

   ‘Yeah, you know, where’d you live? What do your parents do? Any hot older siblings?’ At this all three girls burst into giggles. Lenore sagged in relief, they didn’t know after all.

   ‘I live up near the woods, Fay Grove.’

Cathy let out a gasp.

   ‘Fay Grove? Wow, you must be minted.’

   ‘I guess.’

   ‘If you’re so rich, why are you wearing that?’ Jay finally spoke.

Lenore looked down at her old torn at the knee jeans and the Stones t-shirt that used to belong to her mum. She was about to ask what was wrong with her outfit when she saw it.

A man stood by the dining hall doors. Not just any man. His lips were torn back to reveal deadly sharp teeth. The flesh around his nose had peeled away leaving only twisted holes instead of nostrils. And even though his sockets were empty he was definitely staring straight at her. The worst was the colour of his skin. It was a red like freshly spilt blood.

She wasn’t surprised that no one else could see this horrific man, they never could. Cathy, Jay, and Liz were all watching her, waiting for her to defend her choice of clothing.

   ‘Sorry, I gotta go.’ She leapt from the table, not fussed by the three girls’ cries of surprise.

Lenore turned back to the dining hall doors. The man was gone. She rushed through them into the corridor; he was still nowhere to be seen. Outside of the dining hall the school was silent, her trainers squeaked as she hurried down the locker lined corridor, peering into empty classrooms. The man couldn’t have gone far, he had to be near. She raced down more corridors, getting lost in all the twists and turns. This time Lenore sensed him before she saw him. She whipped around to see the red-faced man stood at the far end of the corridor, blocking her off from the rest of the school.

The skin around his teeth stretched taut and Lenore knew he was smiling. She faced him head on and took a deep breath.

   ‘What are you?’ she demanded. The red-faced man did nothing.

   ‘I said what are you?’ His empty gazed seemed to flicker to something behind her. Before she could do anything, something barrelled into her abdomen forcing all the air out of her lungs. She and the thing tumbled backwards together into an unused classroom.

*

   'What the hell, man!' she exploded.

Perry took a couple of steps back, afraid she was going to hit him.

   'Sorry,' he muttered. 'It's just that, well, you were in danger.' Even he knew that sounded lame. He resisted the urge to hang his head. He wanted at least one person in this school to take him seriously. To his surprise the girl didn't laugh.

   'Wait, danger. You saw that man too?'

Perry's brain did a double take. Millions of thoughts flooded his mind and he tried to say them all at once resulting in a single word that sounded like 'blerugha'.

   'Calm down,' the girl said. 'I'm Lenore.'

   ‘A new girl?'

   ‘Yeah, and you are?'

   'Perry. Perry Prince.' He held out his hand then smoothed back his curly hair instead. Luckily, she didn’t seem to notice.

   'Perry, cool.' Lenore was silent for a while, like she was trying to work out what was going on. Perry was finding everything just as weird.

   'So you can see that red-faced man, too.'

   'Yeah, every day for the past month.'

   'A month? And he follows you around like this?'

Perry shuffled uncomfortably, unsure whether this girl Lenore was making fun of him or not.

   'Well, I used to just seem him standing around; I’ve never seen him move before.’

Now he really expected Lenore to burst out laughing. Call him Paranoid Perry, just like everyone else. Instead she simply nodded.

   'And that's why you rugby tackled me in here because you thought he was coming for me?'

Perry nodded and smiled sheepishly, still expecting her to bed mad. Instead she was moving the table and chairs away from the door, which was much worse.

   'Hey, what are you doing? He could still be out there!'

   'We have to go out some time,' she said simply as she reached for the door handle.

   'And what are you going to do once you're out there? Just stare him away?' Perry asked in a sudden burst of confidence.

   'I guess we'll find out.'

The door swung open and Lenore stepped out into the corridor. Perry held his breath. Nothing happened. He stepped out next to her. The corridor was completely empty. Just then the bell rang and hundreds of students flooded the corridors. 

The red-faced man was nowhere to be seen.

Writing Motivation with Kittens and Gods

So it's now September and I never did post a Character Profile Sheet in August like I said I would. Woops. Don't be too mad. I did attempt to do one but my heart wasn't in it. However, I have written the beginnings of two drafts - one is 4000 words long, that's half my ECP already!

Part of this massive amount of writing was due to this cute writing site called Written? Kitten! It gives you a photo of a kitten every time you write 100 words. It is so great, it even saves your work. I think simply not writing on a Word document is so freeing. I would definitely give it a try. But if you're not fond of cats, just Google 'written (insert anything you like)', they literally do anything. I was using Written? Chihuahua! earlier.

Another reason for this amount of writing was a huge burst of motivation, which may have had something to do with reading the Percy Jackson series. I feel like I've been going on about this series for a while now but I had forgotten my love for it. I'm not saying it beats Harry Potter or anything, but it's definitely up there! I just love the writing style and it has obviously influenced my own. It's so natural and easy to read. I fear that reading any other books, especially grown up books, will interfere with my writing and it'll be naff again.

I did start getting some weird withdrawal-esque symptoms once I had finished reading the Percy Jackson series. In the end I resorted to buying Rick Riordan's new series, Heroes of Olympus, which has satisfied my need somewhat. It's not as good as the original but is still fun. While it includes some of the same characters, the writing style is different. For starters it's is the complete opposite of Percy Jackson, with multiple viewpoints (like I'm planning on doing) and the third person (also something I'm going to do). This works out perfectly as it is a best seller and current, something that I will be required to mention in my rationale. This series is also a textual intervention on the Greek myths, so even better as mine is a textual intervention on Gothic authors and their novels.

It has also given me new found confidence in my story as I was worried that having a female viewpoint would put the boy readers off, and I want mine to include both genders. Piper, the main female protagonist in The Lost Hero, is not a super girlie girl, and my character Lenore won't be either, so I don't think the boys would mind reading her sections (fingers crossed). I was worried that boys wouldn't want to hear about bitchy girls and love issues, but Riordan deals with this well, and it's not OTT or too cliché.

Sometimes I do feel that you lose intimacy with having too many viewpoints but it works well in both this series and the Gone series, which I am also obsessed with at the moment. I suppose it can go either way, but I hope I can pull it off.

I will probably post the two beginnings soon to see what you guys think, comments would be really helpful. Then, once I'm back at university I will be having meetings with my supervisor to see what she thinks. It is a complete change to what I started off with, but I have a good feeling about it.  

Creative Writing Dissertation Reading

Now that my supervisor replied to my email I should be writing, but I find that I can't stop reading. I'd forgotten how easy and fun it is to read young adult fiction, much better than serious books, or worst Wuthering Heights. 

I bought quite a few books at the beginning of the summer but haven't read most of them yet. I started reading Gone by Michael Grant and became addicted, meaning the other books would have to wait. At first I didn't think it was that great but I really got sucked in. I was drawn in because Grant didn't explain everything or answer any questions, he only made more, so I just had to read on to find out what was going on. I've now read three other books in the series with the fifth one on the way, but am still excited to see how it's going to end. The last book doesn't come out until April and I'm becoming impatient. I haven't had to wait for a book to come out since Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. 

After I read those books I looked into what other teen books were popular and decided to read some Darren Shan. I picked Cirque du Freak as it seemed to be the most popular with the kids, and my friend Lauren highly recommended it. I particularly wanted to read some Shan as he is a great horror writer, and I admit it was pretty scary and plenty gory at some points. Although vampires aren't my favourite supernatural monster, and Twilight has made them so much worse, I wasn't put off and found the way he was turned into a vampire very interesting. I haven't read the rest of the series yet as there are quite a few books, and I can't afford all of them. I might get around to it eventually because my friend Lauren says it has a great ending, and I do love a good ending.

At the moment I am reading the Percy Jackson series, and I just love them! I read them ages ago when they first came out but they are still amazing years later. I suggested that my boyfriend read them and then I decided that really wanted to read them again, too. It just so happened that it is also research for my ECP - genius. I have always liked Greek myths and these books really satisfy my need for gods and goddesses, while having a fascinating and gripping plot. I have seen that Rick Riordan has also written another Greek inspired series, The Heroes of Olympus and The Kane Chronicles, which is based on Egyptian mythology. After I have finished rereading Percy Jackson I may look into these other series.

Today I went shopping and bought some more books, though I realise that I should be reading the books I already have, but I can't help it! I think buying books is better retail therapy than clothes shopping is. So, I bought The Recruit which is the first book in the CHERUB series. From the questionnaires I did I found that this series was quite popular and it is a best seller so I thought I'd give it a read. It's about child agents which reminds me of the Alex Rider series, and I liked that as a teen so I'll probably like this one too.

The other book I bought was a surprise. It's called Uncle Montague's Tales of Terror by Chris Priestley. The reason why it's a surprise is because it seems to be a twist on Edgar Allan Poe's stories. Does that sound familiar to you? Yeah, that's right, that's what my ECP is about, aaah! I am going to read it after Percy Jackson and pray that it isn't too much like my idea, I would be devastated if it was.

Here's the blurb:

'Edgar can't resist the terrifyingly twisted tales his Uncle Montague tells when he visits him at his house beyond the woods.
But what is his Uncle's connection with the dark stories? Prepare to be chilled to the bone as you discover that Uncle Montague is the subject of perhaps the most terrifying tale of all.
This is a seriously scary book...Are you brave enough to read on?'

Frankly, I think my idea sounds better. At least I hope it does!

The best thing about book shopping today was that I got a free book, and not a crap one either. It was actually a book I had been looking at earlier. I first heard about it my Fiction for Children module and thought it sounded interesting, mainly because it was about time travel, and who doesn't love a bit of time travel? It's Time Riders by Alex Scarrow. It was supposed to be free when you pre-ordered the new Artemis Fowl book but the Waterstones lady gave it to me anyway. Score! Waterstones workers are so nice.

As you can see I have a lot of reading to do, not to mention the reading I have to do for my modules, which seem so boring. If you have any other book suggestions for me to read, go ahead a comment below!

Popular Children's Authors

When I went up to my old school to do my questionnaire (which everyone should do!) I also asked the librarian what was popular with young readers. Here are a few of the authors she suggested.

Suzanne Collins. Obviously I have read her books, The Hunger Games, who hasn't? And I can see why she is so popular. I liked the first two books but the third got a little odd and too political. I just liked the actual games and all the fighting. 

Jeff Kinney. He's the writer of The Diary of a Wimpy Kid Series, which must be very popular as they keep making movies. In the questionnaire a lot of the boys wrote that it was their favourite book. His style isn't really something I'm looking to get involved in though.

Liz Pichon. Not heard of her but by the looks of Google she is a kid's book illustrator/writer. Something that isn't really relevant to my ECP at all.

Darren Shan. I just finished reading his book Cirque du Freak for research into children's horror. I enjoyed it and realised why he is a great horror writer but it still felt a little too young. Also, things like Twilight and True Blood have ruined the genuine horror of vampires, now all I can think is that they're very sexual beings. It's so annoying, I prefer them scary. Lots of the kids said that Cirque du Freak was one of their favourite series of books. 

Michael Morpurgo. I've read a few of his books, like Private Peaceful and I've seen War Horse but other than that I'm not a big reader of his. His stuff seems a bit real life drama, which I find a bit boring sometimes. But that doesn't mean they weren't good, they were very emotional and really tugged at your heartstrings. 

Robert Muchamore. This is an author I have never heard of, but one of his most popular books is CHERUB  and has now been made into a graphic novel, so maybe I'll check it out.

Rick Riordan. I really loved The Percy Jackson Series, they were one of my favourite book series as a teen. I even read them secretly during classes. I always had an interest in Greek mythology and these books really brought them to life. I haven't read any of his recent stuff but I'm sure it's just as good. 

Cathy Cassidy. I've only read one of her books and that was years ago. My friend leant me Dizzy (she liked it because it rhymed with her name, Izzy). I remember thinking the book was a little odd even though it's relatively normal. It's not a really a style I'd like to write in.

Chris Higgins. She's not a writer I've ever heard of but it looks like she writes similar things to Cathy Cassidy and Jacqueline Wilson, maybe?

Meg Cabot. She is my favourite author of all time and I've read and own nearly all her books. She even follows me on twitter - how awesome is that? My original ECP idea was inspired by her books but I'm going down the more actiony, mixed gender route now, rather than the chick lit way. Her adult books are just as good as her teen ones, so try reading some, they're bound to make you smile. 

Jacqueline Wilson. She is another author that I loved and at one point I owned nearly all her books too. But I grew out of them and now she has written millions, she seems to churn them out. A lot of the girls said that Wilson was their favourite author and I'm not really surprised. I also loved Nick Sharratt who illustrated her books, because of him I used to want to be an illustrator. I still do a little but writing is my priority. 

Andy Stanton. Another author I haven't heard of but apparently he writes the popular Mr Gum Series. I'll be honest, it's not something that I'm bothered about looking into. 

Sophie McKenzie. She's not a writer I have heard of but I saw the cover of one of her books in the library and it did look quite interesting, though I know not to judge a book by it's cover. But if that was true then they wouldn't make the covers so interesting. She is the author of Blood Ties and I may go and see how much it is on Kindle.

If you have any more suggestions on popular young adult fiction or any books that would relate to my ECP please feel free to comment!

New ECP Plot Idea?

I have become pretty bad at updating my blog lately, mainly because it's the summer holidays. I did say to myself before the holidays that I was going to keep on top of it and update regularly. Yeah, that didn't happen. So I'm saying now that I will do at least four posts this month, including another character profile sheet. You can tell me off if I don't.

Anyway, this post is about my new plot synopsis. That's right, I've changed my idea for my dissertation. I haven't told my ECP supervisor yet and I'll email it to her before I post it here. I changed my idea for two reasons. One, the questionnaire results showed that my previous idea wouldn't do too well in the market, the kids wouldn't want to read it. And secondly, I was bored of it. The whole thing seemed boring and I wouldn't want to read it either, frankly I didn't want to write it. I'm already excited to write my new idea though.

The changes I've made are because of the results. I haven't changed everything though. Edgar Allan Poe is still involved, the main character is still Lenore, and weird Gothicy things are still happening around town.

It was clear from the results that readers between 12-15 years old liked ambiguous endings (although many of them had to ask what ambiguous meant...) so I have now made my idea part of a series, that way I don't have to answer all the questions at once or wrap it up neatly, and there can be a cheeky cliffhanger or two. Series are way more popular too, if you think of any young adult books they are probably part of a series, and usually a best selling one.

I've also changed the genre. It is more of a horror/fantasy/mystery with some actiony elements thrown in. Fantasy was a big favourite and I'm not surprised, I'm now glad I'm taking the Sci-fi and Fantasy module this year. Romance, on the other hand, wasn't a particular favourite, in fact all the boys hated it. But I will have a hint of romance, as it seems all the popular young adults have a little love triangle going on, think The Hunger Games Series and (though I hate to say it) The Twilight Series.

While Lenore is still the main character she's now not the only one. I am planning to write it from multiple viewpoints as the results showed that while young readers may have preferred male protagonists they didn't mind either gender, really, so I thought I'd do a little bit of both too. Also, I have been reading the Gone Series, which has many viewpoints which works pretty well, it really keeps you interested and moves the story along at a nice pace. Though some character's stories are a lot more exciting than the others. These books also made me realise that some weird things happen in books but kids just go along with it. (It also has a thing called a 'gaiaphage'. Seriously, since doing the Writing and the Environment module I've heard about Gaia everywhere. She won't leave me alone!)

I have tried writing in the present tense as well as the past tense and I haven't decided which one I like more. I always have issues with tense; I skip between them all the time meaning I lose marks quite a bit. I'm thinking that if I do it in present tense maybe I won't skip so much, and the results showed that the readers do prefer the present tense. It's a decision I will make at a later date, after my supervisor has okayed the plot.

It will probably be in third person just so the point of views don't get all muddled. Also because I always do the first person so it might be nice to try something new. Third person allows you to explore more and not just be stuck in the character's head.

So there were some hints about my new idea. I'll post it later this month along with a character profile sheet about the new Lenore and maybe the other characters too.

Pottermore

As my course is finished for the year, but everyone else is still revising/working, I have become quite bored. So, I decided to finally join Pottermore. I had been really excited when the concept was first announced and eagerly awaited October, when the beta was opened to a select few. I did try to join but I never received my welcoming email and so was unable. I hear this happened to a lot of people, how unfair! But now it's open to everybody so I tried again, and I am now a member of Pottermore, yippee! My name is HexOak29860 if you really fancy adding me.

I mainly joined Pottermore so I could find out all the new things that J.K has added, like back stories of characters and extra facts. I admit some of them are very interesting, I liked how Petunia and Vernon met, and learning about McGonagall's childhood. But really, the interesting facts are few and far between. Lots of them can be found on the Harry Potter Lexicon.

I love the Harry Potter stories but I've read them so many times before that I don't need to read them again on the computer. I skipped over those parts of Pottermore. The drawings that accompanied the story were good though, but you never saw an of the character's faces, which is a bit eerie, especially when Hagrid is looming in dark corners.

The tasks you have to do can be a bit tedious too, like opening your Gringotts account or buying spell books. Buying school books isn't fun in real life and isn't fun in a fake wizard world, either. You can buy an animal too, in fact you have to, as it will become your profile picture. I went for a cat because some of the owls look a bit creepy. Also, you don't need an owl as you don't send any owl post. Sometimes I do wish there were magical dogs, and not just three-headed ones.

While in Diagon Alley there is one exciting bit that comes up - getting your wand. Obviously it doesn't happen the same way it does in the book. Instead you have to answer questions. And these are some pretty random and obscure questions. Luckily there aren't that many to answer, and they have some funky drawings too. Then ta-da! You have your wand. My wand is Rowan wood with a Unicorn core. Here more facts from J.K are made available, you get to learn some new things about the woods used and wand cores. There's some bits about Ollivander, too. I don't want to ruin reading about it for yourself though.



So, you have all your school equipment and wand, what next? Hogwarts! This is the bit everyone's really excited about - getting sorted. Now, my boyfriend and sister had already done this back in October, and they got sorted into Hufflepuff and Slytherin, so I knew what to expect. These questions are equally random as the wand ones are. I don't really understand how some of them would affect what house you would be put in, black or white? Dawn or dusk? Bit weird. Some questions are interesting, like what superpower would you have? I chose talking to animals because then you could get animals to listen in on other people's conversations. Maybe that's a bit Slytherin of me after all. I was a bit nervous as I'll be honest, I didn't want to be in Hufflepuff, house-ist I know! But luckily for me I was put into RAVENCLAW! Woo hoo! It's the one I wanted to be in really. I'm not brave enough for Gryffindor, or cunning enough for Slytherin, and I suppose I could have been in Hufflepuff to be fair. But I much prefer Ravenclaw.

Now you can start earning house points. So far I have only earned 36, but some people have earned 230,766. You do this by finding books and chocolate frog cards. You can also get them for winning at duels but I'm pretty bad at casting spells. That's actually quite a fun part of Pottermore, spells and potion making. They're both quite tricky and awkward but strangely addictive. I am determined to win at a wizard's duel eventually!

Anyway, after that I really skimmed through the rest of the book. You can comment on each section and chapter. You get a lot of comments, mainly things like: LOVED IT!!!!! DUMBLEDORE IS MY FAVOURITE!!!! I LOVE HARRY!!! It can be a bit overwhelming. I love Harry Potter as much as the next person but I don't fancy screaming about it caps lock.

In the end, going through the whole book was more of a chore than anything. I wanted to really like Pottermore but it was more like Potterbore. Only the first book is available at the moment and I'm not sure I'll be fussed when the other six are put up. I think I'll just stick to reading the books and watching the films. They're enough for me. 

Second Year Complete - Grades and Assignments

I have handed in my last assignments of second year. I am now done! How quickly those two years have gone by, only one left now. It's actually quite sad, I don't want university to end.

So, the three final pieces I handed in today were called From Earth with Love, Gaia's Final Revenge, and a textual intervention piece, Mark Desade's Misfortune of Curiosity. I'll be posting them here in the next couple of days.

Today, I also picked up my grades.

I had butterflies in my tummy as I stepped up to the counter. I thought I was only able to pick up one piece of work but the guy behind the counter handed me three. I waited till I was outside to look. And then I peeked at the grades...

67% 66% 67%

Wow!

I got 67% for my presentation. That's right, I did well in a presentation! Me! I just read through the comments and the only bad thing seemed to be that we read from a script. Not totally fair as she did say we could do that, but whatever. I am so chuffed! I knew making those cakes would get us a good grade.

The 66% was for my Fiction for Children piece, Royalteen. It's a great grade but I'm still a tiny bit gutted. I thought it may be First Class material, but obviously not. The comments were good, it just seems like I need to make my writing more funky, get into the teenage voice more. I suppose this will all help towards my ECP. And this was marked by the lecturer who I thought would be harsh. But she marked this piece and the presentation nicely so I'm not too worried about having her as a supervisor any more.

The other 67% was for Creative Voice, all the Sketches I did. My marker particularly like The House at the End of the Road, so that's good. The criticism was that I should 'show not tell' but I think that's something that everyone does and takes a while to grow out of.

Overall, I'm a pretty happy bunny. Let's hope the other three grades are just as good. 

Collecting Grades = Bundle of Nerves

I actually completed my Writing and the Environment pieces. And I'm pretty pleased with them, hurray!

On the down side I have marked pieces to collect tomorrow...

Getting the grades for work is like a warped kind of Christmas. You know, you can't get to sleep and you're really excited about what awesome presents you may have gotten. That's what I'll be like tonight, lying in bed thinking of all the potential Firsts I may, or may not, get.

I have only got one First before (I got one in the first year too, but that year didn't count). The thing is, I knew that it was First material so I wasn't too surprised when I got 72%. It was The Diary of Lucy Van Helsing, and I felt pretty confident when I handed it in. I haven't really felt like that with any of my other pieces. I once thought my essay was good, but I have come to learn that my essays aren't as good as I think they are.

So, the marked pieces of work I have to collect tomorrow are my Sketches from Creative Voice, that's The Armani Assassin, The House at the End of the Road, Agricolaphobia, and Your Housemate Hitler. I'm feeling a little bit confident, though I have thought about how I could have made them much better, but too late for that!

I also have a presentation grade to collect. This presentation was about a children's book called Secrets, Lies, and My Sister Kate by Belinda Hollyer. I thought our presentation went all right but compared to everyone else's it seemed a little scripted and not super-duper acted. Other people had memorized their entire scripts, or re-enacted scenes, one even used a sock puppet! Personally, I don't think our group should be penalised for not being great actors. We're quiet people and that's how we like it.

The last piece I have to collect is Royalteen. I really liked this piece and I worked hard on all the extra bits, like back story and maps. I'm only worried because my lecturer, who is marking it, is very meticulous. She writes YAF and children's books so she knows what works and what doesn't. She also knows what she likes. So, I am a little worried that she'll find loads of things wrong with it or just not like it at all. She's really nice though, and she's my ECP supervisor for next year so hopefully I won't begrudge her too much if she marks me down.

For the rest of the day I am going to be rereading and doing some last minute editing to my last three creative pieces of my second year. I can't believe I will have finished my second year of university tomorrow! Crazy! Keep watching this space as I'll be posting them soon. 

Jacqueline Wilson's Lola Rose

This is somewhat of a rant, so apologies. I recently reread Jacqueline Wilson's Lola Rose, which was one of my favourite books as a young teenager. It's about a young girl, Jayni, and her family. After her mum wins the lottery (£10,000) Jayni, her younger brother Kenny, and her mum run away from the  abusive dad who beats up Jayni's mum regularly. Once they run away they start a new life and Jayni chooses a new name, Lola Rose. Sadly, it's not as easy as they expected and many bad things befall them, especially when the lottery money runs out. Anyway, you can read it if you really want.

Here comes the ranty bit.

So, I thought I would reread it as I have read quite a few adult books recently, not necessarily hard but ones that can be a bit wearing, basically Dan Brown. It's nice to take a break and read something easy, and you don't get any easier than children's books. I have only kept a few of my Jacqueline Wilson books, mainly the more young adult ones. As Lola Rose was one of my favourites I was excited to read it again. When I was younger I always thought that Lola Rose was about 12 - 13 years old. I was surprised when halfway through the book it is said that she was going to primary school with her brother. Primary school? She's only in year six? That makes her 10 going on 11. No way. Her voice sounds like she is at least a teenager. I thought Wilson always had a child's voice to a T but I'm starting to doubt it now.

When Lola Rose arrives at her new year six class her first thoughts are 'I thought I was quite tall but lots of the girls were much bigger than me, and so grown-up! They wore tight designer tops that showed their figures, and they had elaborate plaited hairstyles and nose rings and fantastic fingernails.' Now, this may be a reflection of where the school is located; I imagine London children might be more grown-up than the kids are where I live in Devon. If not, then why are these ten year old girls wearing figure showing clothes and have piercings? That's a bit worrying to me.

In the first chapter her mum wins the lottery. Lola Rose, or Jayni as she's called then, says that they shouldn't tell dad as he'll just spend it or ruin it. She then says she always has to be the sensible one in the family. It seems weird that a ten year old is more mature than a mother.

Lola Rose is also already obsessed with her weight. What kind of ten year old is worried about their weight? She talks about how good looking her ex-model mum is, she then goes on to say 'I've tried locking the bathroom door and stripping down to my knickers and trying out some of those poses myself. I look  ridiculous. I'm as tall as my mum but I haven't got a proper figure. It doesn't go in and out in the right places.' Does that really sound like something a ten year old says? I don't think I even considered those types of things at that age. After her dad hits her, spurring them to finally run away, Jayni says 'My teeth felt funny too. I hoped they weren't going to fall out. Still, it might make my cheeks look hollow.' Why would a child care about their fat face? It's crazy.

Another passage says that she is getting too big for children's clothes and they buy her a new jackets from the women's section, which implies that she is not a child any more. She also buys a pair of new shoes. 'Oh, those new shoes - wonderful, strappy sling-back stilettos for Mum and my first pair of proper grown-up heels too. They were only little heels but I still couldn't cross the room in them without twisting my ankles.' Do children care much about shoes, it seems more like a teenager obsession.

Lola Rose knows a lot about sex and relationships too. A bit too much. When her mum has a fling with a footballer Lola Rose knows it is wrong and has to tell her mum to stop before her dad finds out and does something bad. Once her mum gets a job at a pub she seems to get chummy with the pub owner.  Lola Rose doesn't like this and says 'It sounds like this Barry guy is more interested in your nice bum.' A bit of an adult comment. Then her mum gets a new boyfriend Jake. Lola Rose states 'I wasn't in any hurry to meet him. I was very glad that we only had one bedroom , and Kendell and I were sprawled right across the only bed.' It would never have crossed my ten year old mind that adults did naughty things on a bed. Lola Rose even puts on a lot of make-up, she knows how to apply it better than I do now, and goes out in her mum's clothes to meet boys. She even wants to snog. I'm pretty sure at that age boys are still icky.

I'm not sure if this is a statement on what a bad parent the mum is or what, but she often leaves Lola Rose on her own for long periods of time. Is this a usual thing for mums to do? My mum never left me alone at night when I was ten but then some others might have. I may just have a nice mum.

Now you tell me, does this sound like something a ten year old would say; 'You've been down the pub drinking while I've been worrying myself sick wondering where you are!' Is this just Wilson trying to get across that Lola Rose is very grown-up, because she's made her point heavily. Obviously, Lola Rose had to grow up quickly because her mum wasn't being very grown up but it seems to be getting a bit ridiculous now.

The worst thing to happen in the book is Lola Rose's mum gets breast cancer. I don't think I knew what cancer was at her age. I mean, I probably heard of it before but Lola Rose seems to know everything about it, like how bad it is and what could happen. It surprised me a bit.

There are so many examples of a much older voice in this book and I can't mention them all. I'm planning on doing a young adult novel for my Extended Creative Piece (the Creative Writing version of a dissertation) and I always thought Wilson's work was a good example of how to write a child's voice. I not so sure any more. Or maybe being a ten year old is a lot different to how I remembered it. I will have to read more of Wilson's work again to gage if all of them have off-putting voices.

Royalteen

So I finally finished my 2000 words of my story Royalteen. It's all submitted, including maps and everything! Yay! Only one assignment left this term, woo!

Royalteen

Princess Prudence’s Royal Decrees

5. Governesses should teach interesting things like horse riding or history, not how to wave like a princess.4. All maids should be nice and friendly, not total bitches.3. Annoying younger brothers should not be allowed inside the castle.2. Parents are not allowed to be bossy and controlling, even if they are King and Queen.1. There should be no arranged marriages!

They’ve arranged a marriage for me. That’s right; a marriage!

My parents are so frustrating; they’re always bossing me about and telling me what to do. If you think your parents are bad, try having the great King Cedric for your Dad and the beautiful Queen Annette for your Mum. Seriously, they never stop telling me what to do, from ‘don’t bite your nails, Prudence’ to ‘stand up straight, Prudence’. One time they even told me to stop tapping my foot in public. It’s not my fault that the royal band was playing some good music for once. And now they’re telling me to get married! That’s right, I’m not even sixteen yet and they’re already trying to marry me off. Not even someone good looking; they’re going to just give me away to that pathetic Prince Percy. I’ve met him before at a Royal Ball, and believe me, they don’t call him the Pimply Prince for nothing.

Sometimes I wish I had evil step-parents, like in those fairy stories, who would just lock me in a tower and never speak to me again.

But no, they never leave me alone. They’re always coming into my room and talking to me, even when I would rather be on my own. As if I don’t see them enough at breakfast, lunchtime, and dinner in the Grand Hall. I mean, Mum just came into my bedchamber, without even knocking.

I was sitting at my cherry-wood dressing table, brushing my auburn hair, my head still reeling from the news, when she walked in. She closed the door behind her with a sad look on her face. ‘Prudence, I know this is a lot to take in, but it’s not as bad as you’re making it out to be,’ she said.

Admittedly I had thrown a bit of a tantrum after they had told me the news at breakfast, it wasn’t very princessey of me – my governess would have been very disappointed. It wasn’t much, just a bit of royal foot stomping and yelling that made even the servants blush.

I looked at the reflection of my Mum in the gilded mirror. ‘I thought after you had an arranged marriage you wouldn’t want your daughter to go through the same thing,’ I said. I could feel tears forming - I don’t usually cry but it had been a rather hectic day. I covered my face so she wouldn’t see them. ‘I thought you would understand.’

Mum’s heels clicked as she glided across the wooden floor, decorated with silver and blue rugs brought over from Esteria. She sat down on my four-poster bed and patted the satin sheets beside her, beckoning me to join her. I got up begrudgingly from my dressing table and sat down next to her.

‘I do understand,’ she said, giving me a hug as I buried my face into her thick, black hair. ‘But it is an Adruhal tradition and I can’t change the rules. It was hard when I had to marry your Father, too. I was your age and he was twenty-one but Esteria needed protection and Adruhal promised it.’ She gave a little sigh and hugged me tighter. ‘I know you’ll do the right thing.’ She let me out of her embrace and squeezed my knee. 

I could feel the tears spilling over. Before Mum could say anything else my annoying younger brother burst into my bedchamber as if there wasn’t a solid oak door there. If anyone can make you feel worse it’s horrible siblings, especially when they’re simpering creeps like Damien. He was even wearing his blue tunic with the Adruhal crest of the lion’s head decorating the front; could he be any more of a suck up? 

‘Here you are Mother, I’ve been looking for you all over,’ he said in his whiney voice, though I swear it should have broken by now.

‘What did you want, dear?’ Mum asked.

He stood next to the door, looking down at his feet; like he was shy. ‘Well, after Prudence’s dramatics this morning I wanted to let you know that I would do anything for Adruhal, even an arranged marriage.’ As he spoke he looked up and gave me a slow smirk that Mum apparently didn’t notice. My tears dried up instantly. Mum smiled at him and patted the other side of the bed. He sat next to her and snuggled in close. He’s only two years younger than me but he always acts like a baby around Mum; little brat.

‘I know you would do anything, dear, but Prudence is the eldest so it’s her responsibility right now. You’ll have your time soon.’

I threw Damien a smug smile. He’d been trying to usurp me ever since he was born. I remember when I was given my first tiara and the next day I had caught Damien stealing it from my dressing table. That was the first and last time I was ever letting Damien near my crown.

Mum then gave both of us a hug (I made sure mine lasted longer than Damien’s) before she stood up.

‘I must be off, darlings, there’s a lot to be done before Prince Percy arrives next week.’ She patted us both on the head and left. As soon as the oak door shut behind her Damien turned to me.

‘I don’t know why anyone would want you to be Queen when you throw hysterics like that,’ he sneered.

Trying to think of something smart I said, ‘I don’t know why anyone would want you to be prince when you look like the back end of a horse.’ Okay, maybe not the smartest thing to say. ‘Now get out of my room.’

Before he had time to retort I grabbed him by the collar of his tunic with one hand (which is hard to do when he’s nearly the same height as me) opened the door with the other and shoved him out into the hall, slamming the door shut. The loud bang echoed down the stone hallway. I hoped Mum didn’t hear it.

I turned from the door, collapsed onto my bed and pulled the plum velvet curtains closed, blocking out the glare of the midday sun. My parents told me that this marriage would be perfect as it would unite Adruhal and Minadril. I did want what’s best for my kingdom but I also wanted to marry for love not convenience.  It sounded pathetic but I had always imagined marrying someone tall, strong, and handsome, manly yet with a sensitive side. I admit it; I was just imagining Raymund. I knew he was only a knight but I figured that when I was Queen I could alter the rules a little and marry him instead of a pimply prince. Prince Percy would be arriving any day now and I would never get to live out my Raymund fantasy.

Unless I was to go riding today, maybe I would bump into him at the stables.

With no time to waste, I threw back my bed curtains and grabbed my horse riding outfit from the cherry-wood wardrobe. It was a pain to ride in a dress but my governess would go crazy if I ever wore trousers. It was made of a hideous green fabric that always gathered thickly around my tummy, making me look twice my normal size. It wasn’t the best outfit for Raymund to see me wearing but it would have to do.

I hurried down three corridors, two flights of stairs and across the castle foyer, my riding boots clomping with every step. Once outside I tied my hair up and half ran, half walked to the stables; I didn’t want to look too keen.

I was around a hundred yards away from the stables when I saw him. His shoulder length blond hair gleamed in the afternoon sunlight and his armour was perfectly sculpted to his well-built body. With each blink of his ocean blue eyes his long black lashes brushed his sun bronzed cheeks. His laugh was as lyrical as the phoenix’s song and it was only then that I realised he was laughing with somebody. A short girl, with strawberry blond hair tied back in a bun, wearing a plain simple dress with a white apron. She smiled up at Raymund and touched his arm. She turned slightly and I could see her face. A pointed nose, sharp chin, and feline eyes: Cathie.

She spotted me just as I saw her.  

‘Princess Prudence,’ she cried, a wide smile stretched across her face. ‘How delightful to see you.’ She curtseyed deeply. Raymund followed suit and gave me a polite bow with one of his dazzling smiles.

‘Are you going riding, your Highness?’ he asked, my heart fluttered as he looked into my eyes. I opened my mouth to reply when Cathie cut me off.

‘Of course she is, silly, can’t you tell by her lovely dress.’ She gave me another smile, yet her eyes narrowed cruelly as she squeezed Raymund’s arm. I felt my face flush. I knew if I were to sink to her level it would get nasty very quickly. So instead of losing my temper like I usually did, I tried to play it cool.

‘Don’t you have to clean some chamber pots?’ I asked in my best royal tone that would have made my governess very proud. The smile dropped from her face.

‘Yes, your Highness,’ she spat bitterly. She quickly curtseyed, this time without the sarcasm. She then turned to Raymund. ‘See you around, Ray,’ she said in a sultry voice with a wink. He smiled and winked back. My cheeks burned as Cathie threw me one last vicious smile and sauntered off.

‘Shall I fetch the stable boy, your Highness?’ Raymund asked absently, still staring off after Cathie and her sashaying hips. I looked at him hopelessly, and felt like chasing after Cathie and shoving her head in a pail of dirty water, but I knew that was not a very princessy thing to do. Instead, I smiled graciously at Raymund, even though he wasn’t looking at me.

‘No thank you, Raymund. I don’t feel much like riding, anymore.’

Cathie had now disappeared into the castle and he finally turned to me. ‘Very well, Princess.’ He bowed once more, picked up his sword that had been resting on the stable wall, and walked off towards the knight’s quarters. I watched him as he walked away, his armour clanking lightly. Typical Cathie! She ruins everything.

I guess that was a sign. I shouldn’t have got my hopes up.  Disappointed, I made my way back to the castle. I suppose I should focus my energies on being a better princess rather than indulging in girlish fantasies. Maybe Prince Percy’s pimples have cleared up since I last saw him. It was three years ago, after all.

*

I had never been so nervous before in my life. Prince Percy would be arriving any minute, and the whole castle was in pandemonium. The maids were running around doing some last minute dusting. The cooks were slaving away in the kitchens preparing the feast we were to have this evening. And every citizen was waiting in the city centre for Prince Percy and his royal precession to parade through at midday. I wasn’t nearly as excited as the citizens though; in fact, I thought I might vomit. As a family we walked out onto the castle’s balcony. The cheers were deafening. I saw the blue banners and bunting hung from the buildings with our lion’s head crest printed across them. Stalls lined the cobbled streets selling the traditional goods of Adruhal; pears and apples covered in sweet sugar; candles made of scented bees wax; bouquets of Bluebells our national flower; and lion figurines sculpted out of the finest woods. Musicians roamed through the crowds playing their pipes, flutes and accordions; their hats filled with silver and copper pieces. I wished I could be as free as the children that ran up and down the streets fluttering flags and streamers, begging their parents to buy them delicious treats.   

If everyone got this excited about a royal visiting I dreaded to think about what it would be like when we had the royal wedding. My Mum looked down at me with a smile. I knew she wanted me to be happy but I couldn’t stop myself from shaking. I held out my hand and my Mum grasped it firmly in her own. Damien stood to my left waving gleefully at the people, soaking in all the attention. My Dad put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed tightly just as the horns sounded.

Prince Percy was here.

The Joy of Presentations!

It's come to that time in my life again when I have to do yet another presentation. Luckily, I have only had to do one presentation so far at University and it was about a crime novel. But now I have to do another one and with the same lecturer, she obviously likes presentations!

I hate doing presentations for the same reason that many others do. I hate standing at the front of class, I hate talking in front of people, and I hate looking like an idiot, which all tend to happen when you do a presentation.

This time the presentation is on a book called Secret, Lies, and My Sister Kate by Belinda Hollyer. I love making PowerPoints and this one is pink, purple and girly, just what I like! The script that's written is pretty naff but I just don't how to make it interesting! Hopefully, the square cupcakes we will be handing out will get us extra points. It's unlikely though as my lecturer is nice enough but is a really harsh marker!

So wish me luck on both my presentation, which I will be doing this Monday, and on my creative piece, Royalteen!

Royalteen - First 1000 Words

Here is the first 1000 words of my story Royalteen. My classmates and lecturer have both looked at it and I got some useful and some silly comments back. My lecturer said that I should put more visual imagery in as she can't 'see' the setting very well. That is a valid point. I also recieved a lot of 'show not tell' comments. However, she didn't seem to understand that Damien says 'Mother' instead of 'Mum' because he is a creepy suck-up who likes to act older than he really is to impress his elders. She also said that I should lower the target age group to 8-11 year olds as Prudence's voice sounds young. I don't agree and don't want to change it but also don't want to lose marks. So here is the version I gave in yesterday. Notice how it has changed from the first 500 words.

Royal-teen

Princess Prudence’s Royal Decrees

5. All maids should be nice and friendly not total bitches.

4. Governesses should teach interesting things like reading and history, not how to wave like a princess.

3. Annoying younger brothers should not be allowed inside the castle.

2. Parents are not allowed to be bossy and controlling, even if they are King and Queen.

1. And finally, there should be no arranged marriages!

They’ve arranged a marriage for me. My parents are so frustrating; they’re always bossing me about and telling me what to do. If you think your parents are bad, try having the great King Cedric for your Dad and the beautiful Queen Annette as your Mum. Seriously, they never stop telling me what to do, from ‘don’t bite your nails, Prudence’ to ‘stand up straight, Prudence’. One time they even told me to stop tapping my foot in public, it’s not my fault that the royal band was playing some really good music that day. And now they’re telling me to get married! That’s right, I’m not even 16 yet and they’re already trying to marry me off to someone. Not even someone good looking, they’re going to give me away to Prince Percy, and I’ve met him before at a Royal Ball, and believe me they don’t call him the Pimply Prince for nothing. Sometimes I wish I had evil step-parents, like in those fairy stories, who would just lock me in a tower and never talk to me again.

But no, they’re always coming into my room and talking to me, even when I would rather be on my own. I mean, Mum burst into my room, without even knocking.

‘Prudence, I know this is a lot to take in, but it’s not as bad as you’re making it out to be,’ she said. I had thrown a bit of a tantrum after they had told me the news, it wasn’t very princessey of me – my governess would have been very disappointed. It wasn’t much, just a bit of yelling and foot stomping.

I sat at my dressing table, looking at my Mum in the mirror. ‘I thought after you had an arranged marriage you wouldn’t want your daughter to go through the same thing,’ I said. I could feel tears springing in my eyes. I don’t usually cry but it had been a rather hectic day. ‘I thought you would understand.’ Mum sat down on the bed and patted beside her, beckoning me to join her. I got up from my dressing table and sat down next to her; sure, parents can be annoying, but they’re also always there for you when you’re upset.

‘I do understand, believe me it was hard when I had to marry your father. I was your age and he was 21 but I knew I had to do it for my country; Esteria needed protection and Adruhal promised it. It was the best decision I made, and I know you’ll do the right thing, too.’ She squeezed my knee and I could feel the tears spilling over. Before Mum could say anything else my annoying little brother barged into my room. If anyone can make you feel worse its horrible siblings, especially when they’re simpering creeps like Damien.

‘Here you are Mother, I’ve been looking for you all over.’

‘What did you want, dear?’

‘Well, after Prudence’s dramatics earlier I wanted to let you know that I would do anything for Adruhal, even an arranged marriage.’ As he spoke he gave me a slow smirk. My tears dried up instantly. Mum smiled at him and patted the other side of the bed. He sat next to her and snuggled in close. He’s only two years younger than me but he always acts like a little baby around Mum; little git.

‘I know you would do anything, dear, but Prudence is the eldest so it’s her responsibility right now. You’ll have your time soon.’

I threw Damien a smug smile. He’d been trying to outdo me ever since he could walk. I remember once when I was given my first tiara and the next day I had seen Damien wearing it. That was the first and last time I’m ever letting Damien near my crown.

Mum then gave both of us a hug. ‘I must be off, darlings, there’s a lot to be done before Prince Percy arrives.’ As soon as the door shut behind her Damien turned to me.

‘I don’t know why anyone would want you to be Queen when you throw hysterics like that,’ he sneered at me.

‘I don’t know why anyone would want you to be prince when you look like the back end of a horse,’ I replied coolly. ‘Now get out of my room.’ Before he had time to retort I grabbed him by the collar of his blue tunic with one hand, opened the door with the other and shoved him out into the hall, slamming the door closed.

I turned, collapsed on to my bed and pulled the curtains around me. My parents told me that this marriage would be perfect as it would unite Adruhal and Minadrill. I do want what’s best for my kingdom but I also want to marry for love not convenience.  It sounds really silly but I always imagined marrying someone tall, strong, and handsome, who is caring and brave. I admit it; I’m just imagining Raymund. I know he’s only a knight but I figured that when I was Queen I could alter the rules a little bit and marry him instead of a prince. Prince Percy would be arriving any day now and I would never get to live out my Raymund fantasy. Unless I was to take my riding lessons a little early today, maybe I would bump into him at the stables. With no time to waste I threw back my bed curtains and changed into my horse riding outfit; it was still a dress as my governess would be outraged if I were to wear trousers. It was a plain, more hardwearing dress, that wasn’t very flattering. It was made out of a stiff dark green fabric that gathered thickly around my tummy, making me look twice my normal size. It wasn’t the best outfit for Raymund to see me wearing but it would have to do.

I hurried down the many corridors of the castle, my riding boots clomping with every step. Once outside I tied my auburn hair up and half ran, half walked to the stables; I didn’t want to look too keen. I was around 100 yards away from the stables when I saw him. His blond hair gleamed in the afternoon sunlight and his armour perfectly sculpted to his well-built body. His laugh was like the song of the phoenix and it was only then that I realised he was with somebody. A short girl, with strawberry blond hair, wearing a plain simple dress with a white apron laughed along with Raymund.

Princess Prudence

Here is a quick doodle I did of Princess Prudence last night.

Is she how you imagined her after reading her character profile? 

Character Profile Sheet - Princess Prudence

I've been doing a lot about character lately, I had to do it in Creative Voice and in Fiction for Children. Today we had to walk around class and introduce ourselves as one of our characters. (It's a little bit embarrassing as everyone was doing fantasy and their characters had some really weird names so I had to ask them if they were a boy or girl!) This is supposed to help you really get to know your character, as is writing letters from them, dressing up like them, or doing some of the things they do. I would definitely encourage you to fill out this list before you start writing anything as knowing your character well instantly makes your story more magical. Right now I'm going to fill out this list as if I was the character from my new novel idea, Royalteen.

Name: Princess Prudence

Age: 15 but nearly 16.

Birthplace: The Kingdom of Adruhal, you may have heard of it, it's one of the biggest kingdoms in the Province of Kardenia.

Marital Status: Not married, though my parents have arranged a marriage for me! And to the Pimply Prince no less! Talk about unfair!

Children & Ages: No children yet, thank goodness!

General Appearance (Height, Hair & Eye Colour): Long, straight auburn hair, looks great when it's styled but is a pain when I go horse riding. My eyes are practically violet, it's a trait from the Esteria royal family (my Mum was a Princess there before she married my Dad) and apparently it only happens to females. My Mum says my eyes are my best feature, but sometimes I feel a little freakish, though I would never say that to her! I am also pretty tall, I get that from my Dad's side, he's Adruhal born and bred. My Dad says it's a good to be tall, people will take you more seriously and your enemies will be more frightened. But as a teenage girl it's just more embarrassing.

What do they sound like: I personally don't think I have an accent, but then again everyone says that. People from Helmriche really roll their r's and the people from Odinan rarely say their h's, but that's if they have a very strong accent. All I know is that my governess would go crazy if I didn't talk properly.

Typical Outfit: My dresses are all tailor made by the royal seamstress, she's nice but she doesn't half poke you full of pins if you annoy her. My Mum loves me wearing purple as she says the colour really brings out my eyes, but my Dad loves me wearing blue as that is our Kingdom's national colour. Personally, I don't care what colour I wear, though maybe not orange, that might clash with my hair a bit. What I would really like to wear is trousers. I'm never allowed to wear them even when I go riding as it's 'unlady-like'. It's so impractical.

Where do they live (City, Countryside): As I said before, I live in Adruhal in the castle. It's quite a small castle in comparison to Minadril but I think it's perfect. It's humble, not completely showoffy like some castles I could name. It's right on the East boundaries of Adruhal near the river, and you can see the mountains in the distance. It's also surrounded by fields and grassland, perfect to go riding in. However, there is also the Boarder. This is where our kingdom meets the Desert Lands and there are lots of fights around there, so there has to be a patrol day and night. Luckily, the mountains keep most of the Desertians out, but sometimes they get past the guards and cause trouble. Adruhal tends to be okay, it's Helmriche that gets the worst attacks.

Living Arrangements (House, Shared, Rented): I live in a castle with my Dad, Mum, and brother, Damien and hundreds of servants! There is never a quiet moment in a castle as there is always someone bustling about. The castle has been in our family for centuries and has only had minor work done to it. There was a battle between Helmriche and Adruhal when my Great-Great-Great Grandfather was king and the North side of the castle was destroyed, but all that animosity has passed now and the castle was restored. My Great-Great-Great Grandfather even had an astronomy tower put in, he really loved the stars.

Who do they love: At the moment nobody, but I can tell you now that I won't love Prince Percy. There is this one guy, I don't love him but my heart does tingle when I see him. He's called Raymund and he's a Knight. He has golden blond hair, eyes the colour of the ocean and his teeth are so white that I'm practically blinded when ever he smiles. He is the most handsome person I have ever met and he is so brave, too! He hasn't always been a Knight, he used to be a stable boy and look after all the other Knight's horses. One of the older Knights noticed how well he was looking after his horse and offered to teach him how to ride a horse properly, and even how to fight with a sword. Raymund was an orphan working and sleeping in the stables so having this older Knight look after him was great, he was like a father to him. Sadly, he passed away recently, but this only makes Raymund work harder at being the best Knight he can be. Isn't that just so sweet! So, he's big, strong, handsome, brave, caring, and is great with horses; what more could a girl want?!

What is their home like: Like I said, I live in the castle. My bedroom is on the third floor and faces East so I can see right over the countryside and on the horizon I can see the Desert Lands. I have a huge four poster bed and a handmade rug from Esteria that belonged to my Mum and her mum and her mum before that.

How do they get around: The perfect way to travel is by horse! I know a lot of people wouldn't agree with me, especially Damien, he hates horses, but I think it's the best. My horse is called Henoven, and I've had him since he was a new born pony. I was at the stables with my Dad when a mare gave birth. My Dad looked at the pony then at me, I must have been like 10 years old, and said that I was ready for my first horse. They say if you own a horse from the day it is born you will have a bond like no other. I definitely think that's true; Henoven knows me better than anyone else in the world and he can always cheer me up by just being there.

Occupation: I guess this means Princess, not that I really have the choice. I may want to be a maid, or a governess or even a knight but I wouldn't be allowed.

Degree of skill at occupation: So am I good Princess or not? Well, my governess would say no, I'm not and I have a lot of work to do. Personally, I don't think I'm that bad. Okay, I can be a bit stroppy and not always do what I'm told, but surely as Princess I can do what I want and tell others what to do. Niether of my parents or my governess understand that. They just say 'you'll understand when you're older' or 'when you're Queen you can do what you want, but you'll realise what you want is what's best for your country and people'. Inspired.

How does the character feel about their occupation: Oh, I just answered that question really, didn't I? Well, to sum up, I feel that I could be the perfect Princess and the best Queen, but I'm just being held back. Either way I will be a better leader than Damien.

Family background: Okay, this is an interesting question. So there's my Dad, King Cedric. He's 38 years old and has been ruling as king for 17 years. In that time there have been no major wars or battles in Adruhal, though we have helped our neighbouring countries out a few times. When he talks in front of the people his voice is so loud and booming that I really have to refrain from covering my ears. He just oozes power and I hope to be like that one day. My Dad is tall as I mentioned before. He had auburn hair like me at one point, but it is much darker now and with lots of grey bits. His eyes are dark blue and if he's really angry they go black, it's kinda scary. When I was younger my Mum told me this happened because he was an evil sorcerer and I wasn't to anger him otherwise he would turn me into a toad. I don't believe that story any more but I still wouldn't want to annoy him!

My Mum's quite different from my Dad, he's all about looking big and being powerful whereas she's more quite and demure. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen before and I wish I looked more like her, only I get my looks from my Dad's side. She has long, luscious black hair, as dark as the night. She's quite short as I'm already taller than her, but when she stands next to my Dad she is the perfect height. The violet eyes suit my Mum a lot more, too, they could dazzle even the meanest of warlocks or the bitterest of witches. Dad once told me that he was uncertain about his arranged marriage (yeah they had one too!) as the people of Esteria are often weak willed and plain. But as soon as he saw my Mum he knew that she was neither weak willed or plain. She was only 15 and she was just as stubborn as I was about the idea of an arranged marriage, although she pretends otherwise now. Dad said that Mum refused to talk to him for the first week of her visit and then when she did talk to him it was to tell him that he was oafish and moronic and would never be a good king. Talk about insulting. But Dad wasn't at all insulted, he was overjoyed that his Esterian wife would be able to rule the country with him instead of just agreeing with everything he said. Since then my Mum has solved some major problems by just giving the troublemaker a sharp violet look and a good tongue lashing, as my Dad would say. He also says that if it wasn't for my Mum there would be a lot more fighting in the kingdom.

My little brother, on the hand, could cause fighting between the most peaceful of people. I think it's impossible for him not to tick me off. Just looking at his face angers me! He is two years younger than me and has been after the crown ever since he was born. It annoys him that I'm the heir to the throne even though I'm a girl. He think just because he's a boy he should be crowned. Nobody else seems to see this apart from me. Mum still treats him like a little baby and Dad just pats him on the head and tells him to play swords. I don't think Dad has time for us kids, he never played with us or anything, the time he gave me the horse was the best time we ever spent together. Maybe that's why Damien turned out to be the way he is. Damien looks more like Mum than Dad as well, he has the black hair and the fair skin, whereas I go as red as a strawberry if I spend too much time outdoors, not that I mind, but my governess goes mental. I also think Damien has the power to talk people over like Mum has. Not a literal power but he is much more persuasive than either me or Dad.

Names (Nicknames, work name, parent names): Everyone called me Princess, or Your Highness. Mum has a habit of calling me and Damien dears. Dad in his occasional paternal moments calls me Pru. I like Pru the most.

What would you find in the pocket/handbag: My dresses don't have pockets, and I rarely carry a handbag, if I go out I always have a handmaid or guard to carry it for me. However, I do have a few special items that I keep safe. Like I have a necklace that my Grandmother gave to me before she died. She was from Esteria and only visited once. It was when I was younger and I was so thrilled to be given such a beautiful necklace. I kept it a secret though because I knew Damien would be jealous and steal it. It had a delicate silver chain with a diamond encrusted half moon, the symbol of Esteria, dangling from it. Grandmother made me promise to wear it on my wedding day just as she did. I will wear it, just as long as I don't marry Prince Percy.

Do they have a best friend or someone they can confide in: I suppose I do confide in Henoven even if he can't understand me. I used to tell my Mum a lot, but not so much any more. Being a Princess also means having no best friends. It sounds silly but no one wants to be friends with me. They always keep me at a distance as if they're scared I'll yell at them and have them beheaded. I used to have a best friend, Cathie, she was the daughter of one of the castle maids. We grew up together and we never did anything without the other. But then I started princess lessons. I had to act more like a princess. I was never able to play any more and Cathie started to resent me. I got everything she ever wanted. I got nice dresses while she got maids clothes. I got to go to royal balls and banquets. She had to clean up after them. In the end, she stopped talking to me. Instead she just talks about me. She's changed a lot and I would never confide in her again. I guess I'm a pretty big loner really. That's sad.

Did they have a happy childhood: Apart from all that stuff I was pretty happy. I didn't like princess lessons very much, and I had some pretty terrible governesses, but I got to do anything I wanted. It certainly got a lot better once I was given Henoven and my most recent governess.

What were they like in their childhood: I wasn't a really naughty child or anything, maybe a tiny bit spoilt. I used to play nice with my brother until he turned into a creep.

Have they lost anything important to them: I don't think I have lost anything. I was dreadfully upset when my Grandparent's died. I suppose when Cathie stopped talking to me I was pretty upset, too. I guess I've lived a rather good life, after all.


What is the thing that worries them most: I confess I'm not as confident at my royal abilities as I make out to be. I am very worried that I'll be an awful Queen. I haven't told anyone else this before but I'm genuinely scared. My Mum and Dad are so good, I don't want to mess up everything they've achieved. I also want to prove to Damien that I will be a better ruler than he would ever be.


What is most important to them: The most important things are my parents, my country and Henoven. A short but sweet answer.

Has their heart ever been broken: Not yet, and now it's unlikely I ever will if I have to marry Prince Percy.


When were they happiest: I've had a happy life so it's hard to pick out one particular happy time for me. I remember being happy when I was told I was going to have a younger brother, I don't feel that way now.


Favourite food: I adore beef. It's not a very feminine food, but I just love it. My Dad gives me a hearty clap on the back every time I finish a steak, while Damien picks at his - he says it's always too bloody for his tastes.


Favourite colour: I don't have a particular favourite. I like purple because it reminds me of my Mum's eyes. I like blue because it reminds me of my country.


Hobbies: I love reading, mainly about the history of my country. I love riding Henoven, especially in the fields and through the woods. It's so peaceful to read out in the country side with Henoven nibbling grass next to me. I do dabble in the princessy things too, like needlework and piano, though I can't say I'm any good at it and it drives my governess mad.


Pets: Just the obvious, Henoven. Although, I used to wish I had an exotic bird so I could send messages to friends in other kingdoms. But I'd have to get friends first.


What do they hate most: Short answer: Damien and arranged marriages. Maybe Cathie, but hate's a bit of a strong word.


What are their obsessions: I wouldn't say I was particularly obsessed with anything. I'm interested in things just the right amount.


Do they have an ambition: To be the best Queen. Or win a race on Henoven; he's pretty fast and I've seen the other horses run. We could so win.


What do they dream about: I'm one of those people who never remembers their dreams. I wish I did as there's a gypsy who comes to town every month who will interpret your dreams for two copper pieces.


What are their secrets: I'm not sure I have any, is that really sad?


Do they believe in religion or life after death: It is said that the royals never truly die but live on in the next generation, guiding them and helping them. I think it's a nice thought but I can't imagine any of my ancestors living inside of me!


Do they get on with other people or avoid them: I get on with them, I'm a Princess after all and I have to be gracious and kind. Though really they tend to avoid me.


That's my character profile of Prince Prudence, and I feel like I know her a whole lot better now. Does she sound interesting to you?